


Lonely As You

by russianmango



Series: 30 in 30 [24]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-12-06 09:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/734011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/russianmango/pseuds/russianmango
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Outside: Mathieu knows John is struggling at Karl's wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lonely As You

Mathieu couldn't help but watch John as the night progressed, thinking maybe things were starting to catch up with him. He knew Karl getting married was a big deal for John and it wasn't just those normal wedding feelings. He wasn't blind, Mathieu knew that John had feelings for Karl. Even though they were never reciprocated, it was clear John wasn't doing well with the whole wedding thing. As all the guys talked among themselves about Alzner finally going through with it, Mathieu watched John.   
  
It was supposed to be a fun night. Two days before your best friend's wedding should be a riot, but Mathieu couldn't keep his eyes off John, hoping his expression would change. It's not like John was moping - he was chirping, talking, and celebrating with everyone else, but his eyes were fighting with the smile on his lips. They got more pained as Karl got more touchy as the alcohol started to soak in. As Karl leaned over John's shoulder, smiling and laughing about old times, back in Hershey when they 'clung together', both trying to make it to the NHL. "Now look at us!" Karl exclaimed. Without the slightest idea what 'us' meant to John. And, yeah,  _look_. John looked almost dizzy - eyes glazed, shirt open, hair wet, and expression a mix between amused and unimaginable pain.

Fehr made a comment about them still being pathetic and John gulped the last of his beer down, leaving the table. "Is he okay?" Eric asked, looking to Karl. But Karl didn't know, because Karl  _doesn't_  know. Because Karl is in love and he shouldn't know. "Probably exhausted from trying to out-drink a Quebecois!" Mathieu joked before getting up himself.  

John was standing outside, hands curled around his neck and cursing under his breath. His cheeks were red and eyes getting there, too. "John," Mathieu whispered. John turned around to see Mathieu standing there and cleared his throat. "Was a little stuffy inside," John excused himself.

Mathieu nodded, "I needed some air, too."

John gave him a half-smile, thanking him for not calling him on it. Mathieu moved in closer and leaned against the wall beside John. "You okay?" John shrugged, "What difference does it make?"

"Shouldn't talk like that," Mathieu told him.

"How should I talk?" John laughed, "Karl's getting married and I'm being a sore fucking loser, what difference would me being okay make?"

"You're not a sore loser, you're hurting because he's getting married," Mathieu defended.

"Yeah, because I'm a loser," John pointed out.

"No, because he's not gay and he found someone he loves. It hurts, but he's not all you have."

"Spare me the fish in the sea talk, okay?" John sighed. "I'm really not in the mood for this right now."

"What are you in the mood for?" Mathieu asked. John looked at him before shrugging. "Get more drunk and forget feelings?" John laughed. Mathieu pulled out a flask and handed it to John. "Seriously?" John asked. Mathieu took his flask back and drank some before passing it back. "Why the fuck not?" he asked John. 

John took a swig and passed it back, which Mathieu did as well, back to John. "I've got more at the hotel," Mathieu offered. John smiled a bit, but declined. "Think I want to stay outside a bit longer," he explained. 

"Well, I'll stay with you," Mathieu offered. John shrugged, taking another drink from the flask. "Don't have to," he muttered. 

"I want to," Mathieu replied. John laughed, "I'm that much fun?"

"Don't want to be alone," Mathieu admitted. "Didn't think you did, either."

"As long as it's not Karl," John nodded. He hadn't meant to actually say it, but Mathieu didn't say anything. Just passed back the booze. This could get interesting, he thought. "So, what are you so down in the ditch about?"

Mathieu looked up, surprised at the question. "Not a fan of weddings," he shrugged. 

"Bullshit, you didn't have to come. Most guys didn't."

"Why did you?" Mathieu asked with an accusing tone. 

"I can't say no to my best friend without explaining why." It was fair enough, Karl would've wanted to know why John said no. He had actually debated a last minute excuse, but he didn't want to do that to Karl and Mandy. "Your turn," John said, taking the flask from Mathieu. It was almost empty, but he wasn't quite ready to leave yet, so he just held it.

"I don't like seeing people I like depressed about things they can't change," Mathieu answered. John's faint smile fell into a frown again. "You didn't have to come out here," he defended. "Don't put this on me."

"I came out here because I didn't want to see you sad," Mathieu explained. He really wasn't in the proper state to be fighting with someone, let alone John.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" John asked with a demanding tone. Mathieu took a small step back before he moved in and kissed John. Neither was expecting that, and Mathieu pulled back immediately and waited for John to cuss him out. Only, silence continued until he looked at John again. 

"I'm sorry," Mathieu apologised. John stayed silent. "Look, I should probably go back to the hotel," Mathieu suggested, but John stopped him. 

"Why did you kiss me?" John asked. His voice was flat, only slightly slurred but Mathieu could tell it was serious. "I don't know," Mathieu answered, adding a laugh at the end. "Drunk, ya know?"

"No."

"John," Mathieu begged. "I'm sorry," he sighed. "Like you, just thought maybe... bad idea, not thinking clearly," Mathieu tried to explain, but words weren't forming in English fast enough. 

"You seemed pretty sure," John stated and fuck him for being so sober and clear headed all of a sudden. Mathieu was at a loss for words, trying to form an explanation, so John decided to speak for him. "Matty?" John asked. When Mathieu looked up at him, John got his answer. "M'excuse," Mathieu sighed, staring at the road in front of them. 

"The bar'll be closing soon, maybe we should go back to the hotel?" John suggested. Mathieu didn't know why the subject was changed so suddenly, or why his brain wasn't going as fast as he wanted to. "L'hôtel?"

"Yeah, hotel," John repeated, patting Mathieu on the back as they started to wander from the bar. 

"I kissed you," Mathieu whispered aloud. "I fucking kissed you," he repeated, shaking his head. 

"And now you're going to go to sleep, take some advil in the morning and we'll fake happy for Karl's wedding in a day," John added. 

"S'cold out here," Mathieu replied. John rolled his eyes and kept them walking. 


End file.
